So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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