a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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