every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I believe in your delicious
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
