I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
