im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
