Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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