:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
