I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
