I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need a beard to bite.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
