i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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