I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
