Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
