when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
