Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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