The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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