If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
