Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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