I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
