The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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