HIV tests are more positive than that guy
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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