come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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