once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I smell like Dick and happiness
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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