k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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