I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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