good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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