i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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