Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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