i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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