I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
