What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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