I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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