Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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