Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
