My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
