It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
