I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
