I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
