Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He? As in you personified your dick?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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