You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize