I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
