She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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