all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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