How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
