Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize