she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
