I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
