So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize