I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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