just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Randomize
