i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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