Pappa wants mamma naked
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
