I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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