nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
