Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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