You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't deserve a penis
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
