He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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