let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
