bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
