i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
