I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
