on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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