When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A bitchslap is in order.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
